the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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