im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
