we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
