he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
