She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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