Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
