I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could teleport
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
