I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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