Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
