I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
