I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
