Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
