You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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