That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Randomize
