Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
