My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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