You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
