I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
