She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize