does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize