Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
