you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
