This beer is not sobering me up at all
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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