I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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