Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
