Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize