the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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