they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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