Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
4 words: hood of his car
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
