I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
