I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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