Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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