just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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