you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
