It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize