Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Sorry my hands just texted you
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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