when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
