is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
