Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We need to get me chipped asap
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
