How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
