I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
