DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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