I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
