i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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