we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
