Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize