True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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