Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
