you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
