my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
