He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
