just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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