he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
