We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
