Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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