Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
