I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
