Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
