You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
