We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's blow job season.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
