I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize