whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
