Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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