I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
