i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
