are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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