Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
