allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
