drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
